I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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