rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
