just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
