I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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