It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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