woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
