i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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