Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
