I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
