Michael Bay diarrhea
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
