I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
