is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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