he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
