I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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