...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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