she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
