My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
