I wanna bring you to show and tell
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
