Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
