i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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