i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
