so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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