**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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