Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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