I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
