College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just want nice things and good sex
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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