i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she peed on how many people?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
