never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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