you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
