Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She's the barista slut.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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