Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
