..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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