He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
