who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
