ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
