Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
