you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
