i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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