Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
