I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
