He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
