Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
