i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
