HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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