guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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