the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
