in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
