talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
