4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
