you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
