herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
