and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
