i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
