She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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