I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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