You can't special order awesome
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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